dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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