He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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