Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
