The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
