Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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