Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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