It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
