even my farts smell like vagina
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
