you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
