My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
