Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
