one might say we're banned from that church
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So many bounce houses so little time
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
