I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
