There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
