why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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