i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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