I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
