how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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