is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
