could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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