After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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