we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
