Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish you could order shots online.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize