I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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