And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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