i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
