She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
