I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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