i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
