that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
