Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
