Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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