I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
