i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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