I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
