If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
