I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish I only lived at night.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
