My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
