Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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