Swine flu. Run for my life!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
