Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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