I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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