We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
