So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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