i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
