I faked an abortion last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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