Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
