Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
