Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
