69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
