Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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