So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
