I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
