It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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