I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
