No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
